with your own penis?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize