I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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