i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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