Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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