so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
