Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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