I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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