Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
