Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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