capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm too high and old for this...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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