hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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