My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
