why didn't you poke me back
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
