For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
