I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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