bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
