my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
