I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
