I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
