We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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