I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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