she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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