By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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