i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
