did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hate all girls vehemently.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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