You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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