The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
