i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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