I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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