We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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