did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We got so high we made milksteak
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
