wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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