went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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