So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
