When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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