I'm jealous of your bromance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just found puke in my bra..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
