I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
