Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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