put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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