I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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