I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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