Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
