Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
