I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
