Moan for me like Helen Keller
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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