I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
