Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
