Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
