i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
