Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
