we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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