Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
