no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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