critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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