i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
