the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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