So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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