Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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