I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize