OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
