Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
