listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
