I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
