in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
